Day 1: What do I think is the Number One Enemy of My Creativity at this point in my life? What could help fight and overcome it?
I would venture to claim that I have no enemies to my creativity. I am learning to just allow things to flow through me. My pain, my love, my fear….like rainwater off the back of any manner of dew-covered water fowl. I am learning to appreciate that maybe, just maybe, the time was not right – but now it is. In the past, my perfectionism kept me chained to a certain way of doing things. Failure to let go, and a convoluted sense of loyalty, kept me tied and obligated to people and places and things that should have been left long before. Voices in my head, voices from my past and my present, hammered away at me, long after many of the people who owned those voices were long dead and gone. I have traveled through hell and back in the past 3 years. I spent much time lamenting my losses, crying over doors that would not open (even as I beat on them, blow- torched them, tried to bend them to my will), willing others to move about the chess board as I wanted, and beating myself relentlessly for all manner of things that were never even about me; were not my fault; and had nothing to do with me at all. All those people who were “against” me? They were just as caught up in their own struggles, their own trials, their own dysfunction. So much so, no one was thinking about me at all! My path has nothing to do with anyone else’s journey. My path is my own. I do not feel as though my creativity is blocked or that I’m being held back. I believe my disjointed dance of one step forward, 3 steps back, is exactly what I needed to reach this place, this day, this second, this writing course, and to doors that might swing wide open, if I trust myself enough to truly LET GO. I love you all without knowing you. I can’t wait to see what everyone writes and watch us all grow from ugly ducklings (who managed to avoid the rainwater, by the way) into the graceful, beautiful swans we have always been – if only we can find the courage to believe.
drurochelle 